| Sex before marriage? |
With the increasing lapse of time between adolescence and marriage, and the social restrictions placed on the behaviour of young men and women, what do young women do? How do they live their sexuality before they marry? For the religious Shiite youth, temporary marriage can offer a solution, though this practice is still very controversial and only happens in secret. Some young people in Beirut live their relationships quite openly, date someone, even regularly change partners and, in some cases, openly admit that they have sex before marriage. However, no matter what appearances suggest, this is still a major taboo. As soon as a young woman becomes part of a peer group or circle of friends with such a lifestyle, she is subjected to gossip, disapproval, comments and rejection.
- Today, the Gemzayeh neighborhood is Beiruts’ night life centre. Photograph: Barbara Drieskens
Neighbourhoods of the city such as Monot (in previous years), Gemayzeh (today) and Hamra are places where young people live a lifestyle in which sexuality seems to be on display. But the display of belly buttons, thighs and breasts is not always a sign of a free sexual life, of multiple partners, or of intercourse. Virginity still plays a role here and is regularly discussed among friends. One friend, in a remark about a thirty-two year old woman who had been dancing with us that night until two o'clock in the morning, said:
(NK) She has these terrible headaches and always complains. I had a talk with her the other day and told her openly, 'habibti, you're just another woman suffering from the disease of virginity. If you want to get better, you'll have to break this boundary."
The question is often not only whether to accept losing virginity, to risk facing the judgement of your family or of your future husband, but also how to find a man who will make love to you and respect you.
(R) When you see the people hanging around here (a bar in Gemayzeh), you might think that it is all very easy and that they all sleep together. But this is deceptive, for most of them don't and you can blame the girls for their hypocrisy for showing so much of their bodies and acting so seductively and then refusing, but it is actually difficult to find a man who will respect you. He will do everything to convince you to go to bed with him, but the moment you accept, he'll loose interest and treat you like a cheap person.
And finally the question is also where to go to have sex. Since it is not common for young people to live alone before marriage, there is a real need for intimate places.
(A) When you have a car, you have no problem. True it is uncomfortable and a bit risky but you can always drive out of the city and find a quiet place. The problem is when you don't have a car. You can go to a hotel, but often they'll humiliate you, ask for a marriage contract or just look at you in a bad way. It is expensive too. There is the family house in the mountains, when the family is not there or the chalet in the beach, but this is only possible if your boyfriend is from a good family. I have such a luxury, a place of my own. At a certain time I needed money and a friend needed a place so he proposed to rent a room of my flat just to make love from time to time. We continued our arrangement for three months. I was actually happy to serve as a facilitator for love.
